Thursday, July 7, 2011

I'm 32, a dad, and I am not a douchebag...

With each passing day I grow more and more frustrated with how dads are portrayed in society.  Now, could make some heavy statement about how dads are being held down by the man.  Or, how as dads we are a much maligned group of people deserving a chance to stand side-by-side equally with the mothers of our children.  I could say a lot of things, but the truth is some of us are douche bags.

All I will ask is that you readers and the rest of society who may never actually read this: Please give us a shot...Don't ignore us in children's literature; Don't constantly make us the butt of every parenting joke; Don't assume we're just idiots plodding along pretending we know what we're doing (yeah we probably don't know what we're doing, but most of us try, and we try hard).

For the dads, this is going to take some effort.  There are a few of you out there that are giving us a bad name.  If you fall into any of the three following categories please pull yourself together and try to set a better example:

  1. Horrified Diaper Changing Dad-  Listen, everyone poops.  At some point you are going to have to change a messy diaper, and it will smell terrible.  But the moment you feel you need to put a mask on to protect you from that diaper you've already lost.  Worse yet, when you heave or actually throw up, the top of the dad ladder sinks just a few more feet.  The stink of that diaper is nothing compared to the stink of cowardice wafting off of you every time you hesitate to change that diaper.  Get in there and quit complaining already.  Face it, Your poop doesn't smell like roses. 
  2. Too Cool to Carry the Diaper Bag Dad-  You know who you are.  You're the guy that companies knew they could swindle when they designed more 'manly' diaper bag options.  Are there too many flowers on your diaper bag?  Does it look too much like a purse?  Guess what you're partner only has two arms and if you've traveled with a child anywhere you know that is not enough.  You need everything inside that bag so what the bag looks like on the outside should mean nothing.  Pick it up it won't burn.  You're making us all look like idiots.
  3. I Can't Pick Clothes or Do My Child's Hair Dad- If you can dress yourself you can dress a child.  Sure, I have issues finding matching clothes and my daughter's hair style on the days I'm in charge may not match my wife's effectiveness, but I try.  I make an effort to pick the right outfit and comb the hair correctly so that even if it ends in disaster no one can say I didn't try.  There is something about smaller clothes that make some dads balk, it's not that hard...We're not talking a fashion contest here, it's the same stuff you wear just smaller.
If we as dads can work on the few other dads that are bringing the rest of us down, maybe we'll start showing up in the kids books a little more, maybe we won't always get made fun of in parenting magazines, and maybe people will take us more seriously when we offer parenting advice.  We have thoughts, we have ideas, and we want to be taken seriously.


bonnie said...

you've proven your point and I do agree. slap some sense into those horrible portraying fathers in the world. : )

I'm So Fancy said...

My husband is guilty of making you all look like helpless, brainless idiots. I'm not sure how he dresses himself in the morning or manages to pee in the toilet and not on the floor, because he can't seem to help the children do any differently. Help us.

Louise said...

I'm impressed that a dad has actually stepped up to the plate and said this. Like you, I too am tired of seeing dads portrayed as bumbling fools when I know that there are so many good dads out the that aren't afraid of showing it!

Anonymous said...

Listen, people are idiots. And idiots are entertained by over the top scenarios like a guy wearing headgear while changing a diaper. Everyday situations in standard American life are still influenced by the waning religious view of women breeding and men leading. Dad (when he's around) is still seen as the person bringing home the bacon more often than not. Mom's at home raising the kids. So, tv and movie writers take going for the dialed in laughter use the "fish out of water" scene. Take working dad and put him in mom's everyday life; and take mom and let her try working out in the big world. By the end, both respect each other a little more and a silent agreement occurs where they decide tradition has it correct.

Now, in real life this obviously does not occur as often as you fear. That is why it's funny when you see it. Any douche bags who do actually react the way you suggest end up, rightfully, divorced and are too stupid to understand why anyway. In that vain your blog is great. But is it getting to that market? My guess is no unless you can fit these tips into a marketing campaign during a sporting event on tv and in hd. Try and pile a good amount of abbreviations around it like those; guys love that stuff.

The real problem is that maturation in people is taking longer and longer these days. I know more people than not who are your age and still living off of assistance from their parents or family. The bombardment of constant information from tv, internet and phones is too much for the majority of minds to filter and genuine cognitive delays occur. So, the problems are going to get worse before they get better. Unfortunately this hasn't stopped anyone from having unprotected sex. And, people are having families when they aren't ready for families. A good example is the tv show "Full House". You had a dad that didn't flinch while performing all functions of parenting. Then you had his two buddies who weren't ready for family life. Usually the domestic jokes revolved around the two buddies screwing up mundane day to day stuff and the dad having to enter the situation and handle it. That's life. If you do things when you aren't mentally prepared for them, you mess up.

The only reason women have a leg-up when it comes to child rearing is because of the extra chemicals that get released during childbirth. I've been babysitting since I was 5 years old. And, yes, this includes changing diapers in all degrees of zombie-like decomposition. If I was a jackass, it may have been a problem.

Tip for dads about the diaper bag thing: There is nothing saying you can't use any type of bag as a diaper bag (just make sure it has compartments if you want to stay organized). One of my favorite mods was a Craftsman open-mouth tool bag that I converted into a diaper bag. It's a great conversation starter when they see that hanging off the back of the stroller or up on the changing table in the men's room. No bunnies, chicks or preschool dinosaur designs. Some delicate red borders set against matte black canvas. Sturdy, supportive and stink exonerating!

In response to I'm So Fancy: And yet, you bred with this person?

Mad Dadz said...

Who are you kidding - us dads are idiots? If we weren't, we might have to do stuff, like take care of our kids. Don't blow it. Continue telling the world we don't know what the hell we're doing so we can watch football and burp.

Visit me at and I'll show you some other tricks.

Mad Dadz said...

I meant to say: who are you kidding - us dads are idiots. Period. See, we're so stupid, we can't even write a comment about being stupid. Now let me go back to watching the game.

Fred Maywood said...

I am a Dad as well and in my 30's. It's rough but we get through it.

Dadhole1 said...

I think your blog really hits home. Keep on posting!

San Diego Synthetic lawns said...

I think this is very well written and I agree with your viewpoint!

Anonymous said...

I have a lot of respect for Dads and husbands. I see so many that work terribly hard and they go unappreciated. I could not agree more with your blog!

A Young Dad said...

I totally agree with you on all points, however I have had some occasions where I haven't lived up to your expectations.

For example...doing my daughters hair. Yes I can do it myself, but those little elastics my wife uses to put her hair up (she is only 2) I can't seem to work out. I am always pulling at her hair and hurting her.

My solution, hair clips. That I can do :)

Thanks for the post. I look forward to more content

torrie said...

I'm a dad I'm 32 and have 2 girls 5-6 ... GUYS feed-clothe-bathe -play - clean up after - discipline - your kids.. stop being boys.. be men .. real life is far more interesting than video me ..your not a cool guy when u get ur wife to do everything... ur just a loser.

limestone columns said...

The idea of taking working dad and put him in mom's everyday life; and taking mom and let her try working out in the big world would be best solution for that.
- Herman Swan

Jeffrey said...

I am in my 40 but I must admit it is tough to be a dad.

Bear in mind we have to bring food to the table, teach good moral to our kids, save the world and we are being murder for petty stuff.

Great share though.

Anonymous said...

Man driven to suicide by ex wife and divorce courts

Chris Mackney committed suicide on December 29, 2013 because his ex wife was using the divorce courts in America to torture him and kidnap his children from him. He wrote a 4 page suicide note before killing himself.

LATEST UPDATE: The ex-wife is such a psychopath that is she trying to copyright her ex husband's suicide note, in order to prevent it from being circulated on the internet. She is using her lawyers to threaten legal action against websites that published Chris's suicide letter.

The website "A Voice for Men" also got a letter from her lawyers and wrote an article about it yesterday:

Here's a couple more updates:

Dashing Dad said...

Couldn't agree more. We're not all useless and just as I'm sure there are some moms that aren't perfect, neither is every dad.

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Renee Lowman said...

You are a great dad. Keep up the good work.


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